I’ve had the same wish for the past five years. My wish is that I’ll live forever. A lot of people don’t understand that… It’s a wish! Go big! I don’t wanna fucking die! How simple is that? I have no interest in dying… Out there? I don’t know what’s out there. It’s unknown. This is known. That’s unknown . I’m sticking with the known. “But Lewis, if you had faith,” my Christian friends say, “the angels will come and they will take you to heaven…” “Well,” I tell them, “until there are photographs, the legal system would say that’s hearsay.”

paraphrase of Lewis Black on his new album

A few weeks back, I had the distinct pleasure of getting to see David Bazan live at a house show here in Nashville. As many are well aware by this point, Bazan has made a major transformation from “leader of a Christian band” (Pedro the Lion) to “openly agnostic solo artist.” It would be easy to assume that someone who was that entrenched in the culture of western Christianity would be having quite an awkward adjustment — especially after “coming out” to the world via one of the best albums released in a long time. It was, essentially, his “breakup album with God,” for lack of a better description.

I was expecting to sit in a living room with a guy who was full of “umms” and “ahhs” that played his songs and mentally prepared himself for a barrage of questions about his departure from faith. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. Not only did my fellow listeners treat him with the utmost respect, he was confident, bold, outspoken and, dare I say it, happier and more comfortable than I’ve ever heard of him being. It was as though he had finally settled into his right place.

Especially in North America, evangelical culture persists a lot of black-and-white mentality about what is truth and what is lie, what is to be believed and what is to be rejected. In the past few years, I’ve seen a growing population of Christians who debate and argue and divide themselves over nitpicky theology, which I find more than a little bit disconcerting. Over time, I realized that this mentality is rooted in a desire to prove their beliefs in a concrete fashion which, if you think about it, is kind of ridiculous.

An idea that’s been rolling around in my head for my long absence from blogging here — originally seeded in a growing and poorly-worded curiosity about the validity of the other major religions — boils down to this: faith is just that.

Faith, in the religious sense, means believing in something that cannot be proven. If, as Lewis Black wishes, we can prove that God and heaven and angels and an afterlife exist without a shadow of doubt, it wouldn’t be faith. It would be fact. In the same way, we can’t disprove the beliefs of others, especially when they are in agreement with millions of others.

Western Christianity has made a lot of effort in the past 50 years to prove why Christianity is “it” and everything else is not. It shows a supreme lack of confidence in the unknown and in being wrong. To truly have great faith, one must submit to the fact that, at some point, he has to stop proving, accept what he believes and live accordingly. Or stop believing it.

Certainly we need people who can read and interpret the Bible and the Koran and the holy scriptures of Hinduism in order to form a foundation of beliefs, but interpretation is not something for everyone. In fact, the more that get involved in interpretation, the less unity there seems to be, which completely throw the idea of a body of believers out the window. Our culture’s Jeffersonian push on education has somehow caused us to forget that faith and education are near-polar opposites. Christian culture’s desire to have concrete answers to the eternally unanswerable and ridiculously inane questions of life is causing it to crumble in on itself.

Perhaps if most of us dropped the habit of (mis)interpreting, debating and arguing ideas, submit to the philosophy that it’s not only okay but recommended to not know everything, then focused on practicing the undeniable core of our beliefs — to love and respect and ask everything in humility — we’d all be better off.

Perhaps Bazan’s confidence is seeded in knowing that he doesn’t need to know all the answers or ask all the question to live an inspired and beautiful life.

Required reading/listening:

• The Sacredness of Questioning Everything, by David Dark
• The Religion Episode, by the Grapes of Rad
• Curse Your Branches, by David Bazan

My varying tastes in music from day to day would make it pointless to put these albums in any best-to-worst order. So I went with the time-tested alphabetical order method, which is completely arbitrary if you think about it, but that’s a thought for another day.

Read on for my favorite albums that came out in 2009 (or thereabouts; I fudged a little). If you’ve been checking out my monthly playlists (you’re forgiven if you haven’t), most of this will not be a surprise.

And if you’re patient and make it all the way to the bottom, there’s a prize for you, in the form of a few select songs from these albums that I particularly enjoyed.

WARNING: This gets a bit lengthy, so get comfy.

Animal Collective – Merriweather Post Pavilion

A lot of people think this album — and the band as a whole — get too much hype. But before the hype I got to hear an advance stream of “My Girls” and saw what we were in for. Granted, I was already a big fan of Feels, but that was an entirely different monster. This is post-modern, anti-club dance pop, which Feels was not. At all. In a way it was proof they could lay off the drugs and write more accessible music, but I would venture to guess a lot of drugs were still involved. They just traded acid for ecstacy. I probably listened to this one more than anything else this year.

Camera Obscura – My Maudlin Career

The video for the “French Navy” sold me on this Scottish twee pop group’s fourth album. It wasn’t so much the video treatment as the way it sounded and how the band looked while playing it. They sing happy songs in a serious way. And serious songs in a happy way. The music feels old and new all at once. It’s poppy and fun, in a sunny-afternoon-in-the-park sort of way, and reminds me of what I wish Belle and Sebastian could sound like sometimes.

David Bazan – Curse Your Branches

David Bazan has always wrestled with faith and life in his lyrics (see his previous work in Pedro the Lion and Headphones). He’s still doing that, but has shifted away from Christianity toward agnosticism. That, plus a few years of struggle with alcohol make for a folk rock album that is not only insanely catchy but also addresses some pretty heavy issues. The lyrical content is the kicker. Some call Curse Your Branches Bazan’s “breakup album with God,” but it only seems a half-truth, because it’s more freeing than depressing.

Dead Man’s Bones – Dead Man’s Bones

Ryan Gosling has a band. We all laughed. Then he started posting songs and we shut up right quick. It’s like Arcade Fire singing Halloween songs with a children’s choir, in all the right ways. Gosling’s got quite the crooner’s voice, too. You don’t even see it coming. It’s not that I never took him seriously as an actor, because he’s good. I guess I figured he was a one-trick pony. I guessed wrong.

The Dead Weather – Horehound

Jack White on drums with the girl from The Kills singing dirty, bluesy, balls-out rock and roll? Plus two other guys, one each from The Raconteurs (one of the non-Jack White members) and Queens of the Stone Age? Count me in. And special props to my girlfriend, who made sure I gave this album all the attention it deserved during my weekly jaunt through all the new releases.

Dirty Projectors – Bitte Orca

I hated the Dirty Projectors before Bitte Orca. Not with a passion, but I couldn’t digest what they were doing. It was jerky, disharmonic and heady. Then they, just like Animal Collective, decided to prove to the world that they could, indeed, write a pop song. And not just one, but several. Enough to make a quirky, finger-snapping, head-bobbing album that is not like any other pop you will ever hear.

Floating Action – Floating Action

It sounds like a bunch of post-college, east coast indie geeks who smoke weed and listen to a lot of old dub reggae records, then decided to make their own. Kind of like 311, but without all that 90s mainstream alternative business going on. It’s laid back and fun, a little bit goofy, but not so much that it can’t be taken seriously.

Glasvegas – Glasvegas

This one technically came out in late 2008, but didn’t come across my radar til early 2009. Imagine Social Distortion doing their old school rock and roll punk thing, but instead of punk they decided to make shoegaze albums a la My Bloody Valentine. They have a sheen of static guitar sound that never ceases, with ballads and sad love songs sung over it in a thick Scottish brogue. Well produced, well written, perfectly executed.

Jónsi & Alex – Riceboy Sleeps

Anything someone from Sigur Rós touches is probably going to be fine by me. This is their singer Jónsi and his boyfriend Alex (from Parachutes, who I saw open for Sigur Rós a couple years ago) making droning, blissful ambient instrumental music. I’m a sucker for background music, and the fine people of Iceland always seem to strike those long, drawn-out, structure-free chords perfectly.

Joshua James – Build Me This

I loved James’s 2008 album The Sun Is Always Brighter a whole lot. Sad, quirky folk songs about heartbreak and politics. Kind of like a mix of Bright Eyes and Ray LaMontagne, but with a cooler voice. Then I saw him play here in SLO last summer, right before Build Me This released, and had to pick it up at the merch table. It took a while, but it’s nearly caught up with his last release.

mewithoutYou – it’s all crazy! it’s all false! it’s all a dream! it’s alright

You’d have to be living in a cave to not realize that I’m a big fan of mewithoutYou. This album was a major stylistic turn for the band, away from the old Fugazi punk/emo sound and shout-spoken poetry, toward the Neutral Milk Hotel folk pop. Aaron Weiss is still stringing together some stellar lyrics, telling more stories and fables than deep, dark insights, but it’s all worth a listen or ten.

Neko Case – Middle Cyclone

Folky alt. country with Patsy Cline vocals drenched in reverb. Yum. I was already a Neko Case fan going into this record. There weren’t many surprises, but that’s quite alright with me.

P.O.S. – Never Better

P.O.S. is one of my favorite underground hip hop emcees. He has a history on the midwest hardcore/metal scene, so he takes a pretty intense, fast-paced approach on his newfound love of hip hop. Thoughtful, abrasive lyrics that don’t beat around the bush, over wicked fast beats, and somehow it all seems to twist and turn toward a positive outlook on life. Kinda sounds like my brain.

Silversun Pickups – Swoon

I’d heard their name thrown around for a while but hadn’t given them a listen until Swoon came out. A lot of people call them a Smashing Pumpkins ripoff, but that seems like a superficial judgment to me after spending some time with this and their last album, Carnavas. There’s something different about it, but I can’t put my finger on it. It’s just good.

The Veils – Sun Gangs

I mostly like this for the opening track, “Sit Down By the Fire,” but in all honesty, it’s a solid album front to back. It’s baroque-ish in an Arcade Fire sort of way, but with darker, more disparate vocals that remind me of 16 Horsepower/Woven Hand at times. It’s… countrified goth? I dunno.

Various Artists – Dark Was the Night

A two-disc charity compilation that has pretty much all the current artists worth listening to: Bon Iver, Dirty Projectors, My Brightest Diamond, Iron & Wine, Spoon… you get what I’m saying. But it’s all original material, and there are a few tracks that will blow your mind. The first that comes to me is “You Are the Blood” by Sufjan Stevens. He gets back to the electronic roots that most of his hipster-folk friends didn’t know he had (check out Enjoy Your Rabbit) and creates an intense, 10-minute blippy opus with all the crescendo of a classical masterpiece.

Honorable Mention (aka albums you should probably check out; some you’ll love, but no guarantees)

• Akron/Family – Set Em Wild, Set Em Free
• The Antlers – Hospice
• Antony and the Johnsons – The Crying Light
• The Big Pink – A Brief History of Love
• Black Moth Super Rainbow – Eating Us
• Fever Ray – Fever Ray
• Fuck Buttons – Tarot Sport
• Grizzly Bear – Veckatimest
• HEALTH – Get Color
• Iron & Wine – Around the Well
• Jay Reatard – Watch Me Fall
• Jay-Z – The Blueprint 3
• Passion Pit – Manners
• Ryan Bingham & the Dead Horses – Roadhouse Sun
• Wheat – White Ink, Black Ink

And now, as promised, here’s your playlist. Enjoy!

October has begun, and with it will surely come an onslaught of contemplative and dark albums. David Bazan and Joshua James got a jump start on that, but I think my must-have fall album for 2009 has yet to unearth itself. I am taking suggestions.

1. Jay-Z – “Jockin’” (The Blueprint 3)
2. Lily Allen – “I Could Say” (It’s Not Me, It’s You)
3. Jay-Z – “D.O.A. [Death of Auto-Tune]” (The Blueprint 3)
4. Bruce Springsteen – “Nebraska” (Nebraska)
5. Bruce Springsteen – “Highway Patrolman” (Nebraska)
6. Jay-Z – “Young Forever” (The Blueprint 3)
7. Fun. – “At Least I’m Not As Sad (As I Used to Be)” (Aim and Ignite)
8. Fun. – “The Gambler” (Aim and Ignite)
9. Joshua James – “Wilted Daisies” (Build Me This)
10. Wilco – “Via Chicago” (Summerteeth)
11. Joshua James – “Coal War” (Build Me This)
12. Clues – “You Have My Eyes Now” (Clues)
13. Joshua James – “Lawn Full of Marigolds” (Build Me This)
14. Jonsi & Alex – “Daníell In The Sea” (Riceboy Sleeps)
15. David Bazan – “Hard to Be” (Curse Your Branches)
16. David Bazan – “Bless This Mess” (Curse Your Branches)
17. David Bazan – “In Stitches” (Curse Your Branches)
18. David Bazan – “Bearing Witness” (Curse Your Branches)
19. The Avett Brothers – “I and Love and You” (I and Love and You)

Bazan’s Curse Your Branches, due September 1 on Barsuk, is a visceral accounting of what happened after that. It’s a harrowing breakup record—except he’s dumping God, Jesus, and the evangelical life. It’s his first full-length solo album and also his most autobiographical effort: its drunken narratives, spasms of spiritual dissonance, and family tensions are all scenes from the recent past.

via The Passion of David Bazan – Chicago Reader

I might be one of the only music nerds with a Christian upbringing that jumped on the Pedro/Bazan train after his faith troubles. His struggle appeals to the part of me that constantly deals with doubt and flirts with atheistic/agnostic ways.

And this?

When I talk to some of those kids in the merch tent the day after Bazan’s set, many of them seem to be trying to spin the new songs, straining to categorize them as Christian so they can justify continuing to listen to them. One fan says it’s good that Bazan is singing about the perils of sin, “particularly sexual sin.” Another interprets the songs as a witness of addiction, the testimony of the stumbling man.

Well, that just makes me sad. And pushes me to identify with Bazan all the more. So many in such great denial. Don’t they know that we have warrant to explore the scariest questions of life?