Fear of failure
The other day a friend related a story to me of a man he knew who had been caught cheating on his wife. And not just any man, but a priest (in a denomination that allows marriage, of course).
The idea of infidelity has always bothered me. Now that I’m in a serious relationship, it bothers me even more.
I wonder how many of the men who cheat on their wives once thought what I do: that I’d never cheat and don’t know how anyone ever could.
I’m not suggesting that I feel like I’m unaware of how capable I am of cheating. But it does scare me. What slippery slope do these men go down that leads to dirty deeds behind their wives’ backs? Certainly something else had to come before the cheating. And, of all people, it seems as though a priest should have the character of passion, fervor and devotion that would hold him back even more so than many people.
I don’t have anything else to say, really. I guess I’m just shocked that this happens, and probably more often than I’m aware of. The more I grow, the more I realize how different we are from each other. Much like with murder, it’s clear that we all have different shortcomings that we struggle with.
- November 21st, 2009 at 5:27 pm
- Tags: church, infidelity
- Category: Faith, Thoughts
It is important to realize that men who cheat rarely do it on a whim. Like many other sins, there is gradual desensitization and justification of actions. It’s takes a mindset that has been cultivated over a period of time; feelings of doubt, remorse, insecurity, unchecked sexual appetite, unchecked emotional appetite in general, etc. I’m willing to wager that a spouse who cheats on never seriously wondered or feared if about cheating, because it requires a certain attitude about the sexual relationship within and outside of marriage. The covering up of one’s tryst isn’t so much out of shame but rather to keep from being caught. I imagine we’ve all watched a TV show or read a book, and the story line goes something like ‘well she came onto me and there was nothing I could do.’ Are we not rational beings? Would my wife excuse me for an out of the blue quick and dirty as opposed to a planned out, protracted affair? I’d hope not because I know that sex is only appropriate and healthy within the context of marriage (or at the very least a committed relationship, but a traditional view of marriage would say that I’m committing for my life to the women I love {a view not really held to much anymore} and therefore have the level of trust to be engaging in said behavior) Alcoholics, abusers, adulterers, porn addicts, rapists, and the like all have early indicators. I oftentimes worry about what kind of priest I’ll be and if I’ll drive the sheep away or do something heinous. But the very fact that we worry, I argue, is what will prevent us from doing such evils.
Comment by Matthew Moore — November 24, 2009 @ 12:14 pm