Found this quote via The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning:

Why am I afraid to dance, I who love music and rhythm and grace and song and laughter? Why am I afraid to live, I who love life and the beauty of flesh and the living colors of the earth and sky and sea? Why am I afraid to love, I who love love?

Eugene O’Neill, The Great God Brown

For me, the question becomes: Why am I afraid to take risks that are required to continue on a path to where I want to be and, quite possibly, where God wants me to be? Lord, help me to put myself on the line when it’s easier to be comfortable.

You may have noticed that I haven’t posted a song or drawing for a couple weeks. There is a reason for this. (Side note: I always talk to “you” as though I have an audience. Why do I do that?)

I’ve decided to put those two goals on pause for the time being because, one, they were taking up more time than I had available due to my poor prediction of how long it would take and how much free time I have; two, it only took about a month before it started feeling more like an obligation than something I wanted to do, and these goals are about me getting things done that I want; and three, other things have come into my peripheral that may be taking up more of my time in the near future. Those things will be announced if and when they start happening.

This isn’t giving up. It’s more that I learned that drawing and songwriting are not things I enjoy when I force myself to do them. That said, when the occasion calls, I’ll now look to those two things as more valid forms of expression to get things out of my head than I did before. If training myself to think that way was the intent (it partially was), it has been met. So you may still hear the occasional song from me when I need to say or emote something and you may still see the occasional comic when I have a funny tidbit of conversation from Amy to share or drawing when I see something beautiful in my head.

I didn’t feel like drawing a comic this week, and I’m at least half a week late anyway, so here’s a crappy drawing of my shoe that took maybe half an hour:

(Click for full size, as always.)

It’s been a long time since I sketched something I was looking at. Despite that, I don’t think I did that bad. What do you think?

Also, a hearty CONGRATULATIONS to Amy (yes, the one made “famous” in my dumb comics) who got engaged on Tuesday to the dapper and charming Dan B. The only downside to this moment of awesomeness is that now I have to work my vacation time schedules around their prospective October wedding date, seeing how Amy wants me to be there and stuff. I know, life is rough. Way to not work around my needs with your little wedding, guys. Jeez.

I just noticed that my last entry was my 100th post. Sweet deal.

Here’s my playlist for February. Lots of familiar favorites because I wasn’t in so much of a discovery mood for a few weeks. Then there’s the obvious hey-I-finally-saw-Once inclusions from Glen Hansard. And the only really good song from Across the Universe that I recalled when I saw it for a second time (and then heard again when I tortured myself with an hour of the Grammys). Sublime showed up when it was raining, to remind me that the sun does actually exist. That spun me into a warm little pool of reggae and dub that will undoubtedly show up on the March playlist.

Also, no links. I’m lazy (sick again, actually) and there was no indication that anybody but me actually cared about them. I’m convinced these lists are mostly for me anyway.

1. Ryan Adams - “The Shadowlands” (Love Is Hell)
2. Radiohead - “How To Disappear Completely” (Kid A)
3. The Mars Volta - “Ilyena” (The Bedlam in Goliath)
4. Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova - “Falling Slowly” (Once Soundtrack)
5. Glen Hansard - “Say It To Me Now” (Once Soundtrack)
6. Carol Woods - “Let It Be” (Across The Universe Soundtrack)
7. Tom Waits - “Putnam County” (Nighthawks At the Diner)
8. Ryan Adams - “New York, New York” (Gold)
9. Bright Eyes - “Poison Oak” (I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning)
10. Bright Eyes - “Road To Joy” (I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning)
11. Ryan Adams - “La Cienega Just Smiled” (Gold)
12. Balmorhea - “Divisadero” (Rivers Arms)
13. Sublime - “Badfish” (40 Oz. To Freedom)
14. The Used - “Dark Days” (Shallow Believer)
15. Vampire Weekend - “The Kids Don’t Stand A Chance” (Vampire Weekend)
16. MF Doom - “Vomitspit” (Mm.. Food)
17. The Velvet Underground - “All Tomorrow’s Parties” (The Velvet Underground & Nico)
18. Radiohead - “Pulk/Pull Revolving Doors” (Amnesiac)